I want to be a photographer

Purple flower

This photo was taking for my 52 weeks project where the theme was “dream”

You might be wondering by now. What? Why? Is your dream to become a flower? How in the world does this flower have anything to do with dreams? My friends, surprisingly, it is not my dream to become a flower. Is it my dream to receive flowers? Yes, yes it is of course, but that is indeed not the purpose of this photo and that is not what this photo means to me at least.

Yesterday I was asked what my dream was. What I wanted to become when I grow up and I broke down in tears (more on that later). Yes, this is a common question I get asked almost daily, and no, I don’t have an answer to those who ask, and they always wonder why. Until yesterday the conversation would go something like:

“Hey, so have you figured out what you want to study next year?”

Sigh. “No, I still don’t know yet, though I am in the process of finding out. I’ve thought about working in a bank, maybe taking the Business Administration program or maybe studying to become a social worker, since I love psychology so much and that would at least make me have a few classes of that. You know since I don’t have good enough grades to study Psychology that would be a possibility.”

“Is that really what you want? Why don’t you become a photographer?”

“Naah, I don’t know. I’m not good enough, and the application time has already run out so I won’t be able to apply, and the man at our photo store says that the people without the photography education are usually better than the ones with an education. And besides I would need a job on the side if photography couldn’t give enough money to pay my bills.”

“You know what? Nothing is impossible. You just have to want it enough and reach for your dreams and goals and make things happen. I’ll help you all I can.”

And that’s when I broke down in tears. And I couldn’t stop. I cried and cried while I just stood there. I couldn’t take it all in. I was overwhelmed in so many ways. That was the moment when I knew I wasn’t happy. I needed to change something and do something else. All my dreams were secrets well hidden under all my layers of sheets and pillows. It was time to show them. To say them out loud and not just keep them inside and hidden of fear that someone would judge me. Right here was a person who understood me, a person who had once felt the same way and that was too overwhelming. When I calmed down a bit the conversation went on:

“I have not once heard you say that you want to become a photographer. Why is that? You’ve always just brushed it off. Everyone asks me why you don’t become a photographer.”

“I guess I am just afraid of what some people would say. I was afraid not to be accepted if that was the way I wanted to go.”

“You will not make the same mistake I did! Do what you want and don’t think about what others will say or think. Just do it.”

I wasn’t even going to make a blog post about this, I wasn’t even going to write this down, but I had to. This blog post is for whomever has once felt the way I feel, who has once been/ or might still be afraid to follow their dreams, who is afraid to say something. This is for you. And because I was told I have never once said out loud what I wanted to become, I will do it now: