Dear Kiddi

Dear Kiddi,

Today I re-discovered this photo of you while looking through some old albums on my computer. The photo was originally in colours and taken over two years ago, when I had just received my camera as a Birthday present on March 2nd 2011. I remember this day when this photo was taken perfectly well. It was March 8th 2011, only two days before you passed away on March 10th. These days before you passed away were so hard. You had been feeling worse, and we had been in and out of the vet for days trying to figure out what was wrong, and if we could do anything to make you pain-free and to make you feel better. You were struggling. Eating was difficult, even drinking was hard. I remember the pain in your beautiful face when we had to force the medicine into your little mouth and that still makes me cry just thinking how much pain you were in. There was nothing we could do and the only right thing to do was to put you down so you wouldn’t be in pain anymore. I’m glad that you have peace now, and I know we did the right thing. I know you’re up there looking down on us and taking care of us from above.

The time after you passed away was very hard. Oh how I’ve cried. I’ve cried so much and life has not always been easy without you here, but who ever said life would be easy anyway? You were my best friend in so many ways, and I miss you every day. I don’t cry anymore when I think about you. Not because I don’t miss you or wish you where here, because Kiddi, I do. More than anything I wish you were still here. Here to comfort me when I’m sad. Here to listen when I have a lot on my mind that I don’t feel I can tell anyone, but you. Here to snuggle up under my duvet with me on cold days. Just here with me. But you aren’t here anymore, and although I don’t understand it, I have learned to accept it. Instead of crying when thinking of you, I smile and I remember all the beautiful moments we’ve had together. I remember how soft your fur felt, how your eyes would become smaller when I was petting you right before you would go off to sleep for hours. You loved sleeping so much, just like me. I remember how you always tried to distract me by stepping on my papers and homework whenever you wanted my attention, and how you would play with my pen when I was writing. I’ve never had cat like you before. A cat that meant so much to me. I can’t even express how grateful, and happy I am that you were chosen for my family. I still remember the words the people on the farm, where you were born, said when we came to pick you up: “We’re sorry, but we only have this ugly one left.” And just look how wrong they were. You grew up to be the most beautiful cat ever, and I’m so happy you were my cat for so long. I’m the luckiest girl for having met you.

I just re-edited the photo of you today, and I’m so happy with the photo and how the black and white edit turned out. I used an action made by Alex Beadon called “Black hearts White”, and I think it is amazing on this photo. This photo really means the world to me. I love this photo of you, and I will treasure it forever. It’s not a perfect photo technically speaking, but to me it couldn’t be more perfect, because this is you! This is how I remember your beautiful self and sweet, loving face. The photo was taken over two years ago when I knew nothing about photography, and yet it remains one of my favourite photos I’ve ever taken. I love this photo, and I love you, Kiddi. ❤

Love,

Me